Jack Hammer here. This is where the real case files live. You look like you need answers. I sell the truth, ten cents a file, and don't expect a smile. If I have any hot tips for you, I'll pin them up here on the Bulletin Board. Now pour yourself a drink, and I'll give you the straight dope.
I run a clean shop, mostly. But some bum just ransacked my office and lifted a dozen Hammer File Memoirs from the safe. These files tell the real story, from the shadows to the light. Now some two-bit crook has my case history. It's a job for a new kind of detective. Maybe you?
The only clue I have right now came from a punk kid who witnessed the crime from the burger joint across the street. He didn't want to talk and tried to dummy up. I had to smack him around a little. Finally he broke and cried "Look Pops! They're on the menu! Sometimes they come double, with cheese!"
So there you have it. The only clue I have is... "They're on the menu! Sometimes they come double, with cheese!" So if you're on the case with me, stop back and I'll pin any updates I have here on the board. This is I tough nut, but I think we can crack it. If you'er gonna be in town awhile you should...
... have a look around. Maybe take in a flick at the Grindhouse, they have a great Pulp-Noir matinee. Or stop at the Newz Stand for a paper and a girly mag. If your eyes are bad or you're just lazy, they even have a girl who will read for you. Look for the headphones. Stop back, who knows what we'll find.
Good work. You found my secret file cabinet of personal dossiers. I guess you followed the first clue to the unmarked hamburger menu? These files are my prized, Pulp-Noir detective memoirs.
Some bum ransacked my office and lifted a dozen Hammer File Memoirs from the safe. Here's a second clue I picked up.... A punk kid rode by on his bike and yelled "Hey Hammer! if you're looking for the truth, you can find it in the ten cent rag". And with that he was gone. I'm not sure yet what he meant?
Be sure to stop by my desk for a drink. I'll give you my background and a clue or two to some of my cases.
"They say laughter's the best medicine. I guess that's why my doctor told me to quit journalism and start a clown college. But then I realized, most of the clowns are already in politics. And their jokes? Not nearly as funny as the ones I dig up on the daily."
Yours Truly, Jack Hammer.
