Pulp-Noir fiction. Real world Newz.

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Jack Hammer here. This is where the real case files live. You look like you need answers. I sell the truth, ten cents a file, and don't expect a smile. If I have any hot tips for you, I'll pin them up here on the Bulletin Board. Now pour yourself a drink, and I'll give you the straight dope.

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I run a clean shop, mostly. But some bum just ransacked my office and lifted a dozen Hammer File Memoirs from the safe. These files tell the real story, from the shadows to the light. Now some two-bit crook has my case history. It's a job for a new kind of detective. Maybe you?

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The only clue I have right now came from a punk kid who witnessed the crime from the burger joint across the street. He didn't want to talk and tried to dummy up. I had to smack him around a little. Finally he broke and cried "Look Pops! They're on the menu! Sometimes they come double, with cheese!"

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So there you have it. The only clue I have is... "They're on the menu! Sometimes they come double, with cheese!" So if you're on the case with me, stop back and I'll pin any updates I have here on the board. This is I tough nut, but I think we can crack it. If you'er gonna be in town awhile you should...

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... have a look around. Maybe take in a flick at the Grindhouse, they have a great Pulp-Noir matinee. Or stop at the Newz Stand for a paper and a girly mag. If your eyes are bad or you're just lazy, they even have a girl who will read for you. Look for the headphones. Stop back, who knows what we'll find.

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To be continued..

THE LINEUP

Policy Punches: The Chuck Norris of Paperwork

Jack Hammer3 weeks ago1 week ago02 mins

A satirical, grayscale image in a noir style shows a man, meant to be the "Chuck Norris of Florida politics," attempting a clumsy high kick in an office filled with stacks of mundane documents, with a comical grimace of effort.

So, DeSantis taps a new deputy, and they’re calling him the ‘Chuck Norris of Florida politics.’ Chuck Norris, huh? Last I checked, Chuck Norris was busy roundhouse kicking gravity and making tears invisible. This guy, Collins, apparently just lost a leg and knows where it is. That’s the bar now? Knowing where your own leg is?

They’re touting him as a ‘man of action’ who delivered ‘conservative wins.’ Which, in Florida, usually means making sure the alligators have proper voter ID and the sunshine is adequately regulated. And the whole ‘only dual-veteran governorship’ thing? Sounds less like a political strategy and more like a casting call for a straight-to-DVD action flick.

He rescued folks from Israel and helped after hurricanes. Commendable, sure. But when they start throwing around ‘Chuck Norris’ and ‘most productive senator in modern history,’ it makes you wonder what kind of low-stakes game they’re playing. Seems to me, the only thing truly ‘Chuck Norris’ about this is the amount of hyperbole they’re kicking around.”

Yours Truly, Jack Hammer.